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Author Topic: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls  (Read 2188 times)

Frankie

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #20 on: May 30, 2016, 12:52:07 am »
Let's be honest here...John tried to fap on his way down.
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Diego Tutweiller

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #21 on: May 30, 2016, 01:27:47 am »
In the far-flung wastes of IMDB, Nicolerys sits astride his steed alongside his husband Bryan. Ser Goldblum rides up beside them.

Nicolerys: "These wastes seem to go on forever."

Ser Goldblum: "Indeed. A primal people ah inhabit these lands. Ignorant of film analysis and ah the wonderful YouTube channel NukeTheShark. We must be ah cautious here."

Nicolerys: "Why have you come to us, Ser? Why were you expelled from our homeland?"

Ser Goldblum: "I ah was a gifted mathematician on the king's council. However, some of my ah theories were disliked by those in power. I was expelled from the Oasis unceremoniously."

Nicolerys: "That's horrible!"

Ser Goldblum: "That's ah chaos theory. Anything can happen at any time, to anyone. You never know what's going to happen next."

Suddenly, Bryan Singer grabs Kashmir from his mount and tears him limb from limb, sending intestines spraying all over his horse. Kashmir lets out a deafening scream as he chokes on his own blood.

Kashmir: "NO! YOU CAN'T! CHARLES LONGBOAT SENIOR WOULD NEVER HAVE ALLOWED THIS! I COMMAND YOU TO-- URK--"

Ser Goldblum: "Body count: 2"

Nicolerys: "Anything can happen, you say? Well, what about my dragon eggs? They're petrified-- could they still hatch?"

Ser Goldblum: "I don't know. But I ah have learned one thing in ah all my travels: Life ah finds a way, young Nicky."
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Diego Tutweiller

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #22 on: May 30, 2016, 02:08:05 am »
Against his better judgement, Lord Tatum has ridden south with King David Tanny. He brings with him his daughter Andrew Andrea, but leaves Dann behind to care for John, who has been unconscious since his unfortunate accident, only mumbling two words in his comatose state: "Soapy tits." It is with a heavy heart that Lord Tatum rides into Admin's Landing, entering the castle to meet with the king's wise and noble advisers.

Robert Nevillain: "Lord Tatum! So good of you to join us. We were just sitting down to discuss the celebration we intend to hold in your honor." Nevillain twirls his mustache villainously.

Lord Tatum: "That won't be necessary, Lord Nevillain. Lord Catbus, you're looking well."

Lord Catbus, a powdered, bald-headed man, bows deeply.

Catbus: "I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Lord Tatum. My eyesight is just the same as it has always been."

Lord Tatum: "Lord Catbus... sometimes your humor is so subtle I feel like an imbecile. Did anyone understand what he just said?"

Grand Maester Maverick: "Oh, of course not. Few do. But we must begin, my lord. First we must discuss the guests who will be in attendance."

Lord Tatum: "Go ahead, Grand Maester. You may proceed."

Grand Maester Maverick: "Lord Loki, the king's youngest brother, is riding north as we speak. He brings with him his very, very close friend Ser Hazelrabbit. Like, too close. I don't want to imply anything, but they're definitely fu--"

Lord Tatum: "Hold on, what about the king's other brother, Lord Nyland? Will he not be in attendance?"

Grand Maester Maverick: "My sources tell me that the Red Woman, Ashley, has Taken a hold over Lord Nyland. Every night he spends his time staring into the glow of his computer screen. He has cut off contact with the outside world. Many fear that he has become a devotee of the Lord of Grit. I dare not speak His name."

Lord Tatum: "No... not him..."

Robert Nevillain: "If I may interject, as Master of Wealth Redistribution, I must insist that we look at what this celebration will cost us. We are wasting the proletariat's money on extravagances we simply cannot afford. This council chamber alone could house fifty or sixty people. If we start now, by next week we can have this entire castle transformed into a commune the likes of which has never been seen before outside of northeastern Siberia. Also, we need to start paying attention to our crop yields. People are starving, and the blight is thriving."

Suddenly, Robert Nevillain realizes what he has just said. Stunned, he pulls a long silver sickle out of his coat pocket, points the blade towards his belly, and jams it in, spraying blood everywhere.

Robert Nevillain: "I spoke the words! Se... seppuku..."

Catbus: "A pity. And he was such a promising antagonist."

Grand Maester Maverick: "Body count: 3"

Lord Tatum: "All right, that's a good place to leave off... let's adjourn for the day."
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CT_Sexybeast

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #23 on: May 30, 2016, 06:49:21 am »
Loki's casting made me laugh out loud.

Robert Neville

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #24 on: May 30, 2016, 10:50:19 am »
Loki's casting made me laugh out loud.

I expected that one, though not Hazelrabbit (doubt anyone did, really.) I was concerned about his brother, though, given that all of our Nolanite-leaning members seemed to have been already cast as your family members and allies. Casting Nyland was definitely a stroke of genius here.

Now, I can't wait to see how Dylan will be cast. Also, I remember how the RT wiki version had Catbus as the Mountain. Wonder who'll be filling that role now?

P.S. And congrats on surviving longer than me, lol.
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Plague Cutler

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #25 on: May 30, 2016, 11:00:16 am »
Ok... can someone give me a rundown on the references?  This would probably be funnier if I was a Game of Thrones fan. 

Loki's casting made me laugh out loud.

I want in on this.

Rupert Pupkin

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #26 on: May 30, 2016, 11:03:14 am »
Loki's casting made me laugh out loud.

I want in on this.

The character in the books and show is gay.
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Frankie

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #27 on: May 30, 2016, 12:37:58 pm »
Dylan is going to be Walder Frey.

Diego Tutweiller

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #28 on: May 30, 2016, 12:58:31 pm »
Dylan is going to be Walder Frey.

Hmm... I was going to go a different route with his character, but now I'm considering this. Like GRRM himself, I'm starting to live in constant fear that you guys will predict these things before I can type them up.

I do feel comfortable revealing that Raynor will be Oberyn Martell, though.

Jim Raynor

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #29 on: May 30, 2016, 01:15:30 pm »


I do feel comfortable revealing that Raynor will be Oberyn Martell, though.
Just googled it to get the reference, since I don't watch the series.
"Played by Pablo Pascar"
Sounds about right.

Diego Tutweiller

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #30 on: May 30, 2016, 01:17:39 pm »


I do feel comfortable revealing that Raynor will be Oberyn Martell, though.
Just googled it to get the reference, since I don't watch the series.
"Played by Pablo Pascar"
Sounds about right.

A swarthy fellow from the far south with a distinct Spanish accent... welcome aboard, Raynoberyn.
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Plague Cutler

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Robert Neville

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #32 on: May 30, 2016, 02:09:16 pm »
Dylan is going to be Walder Frey.

But he's like our oldest. Who'll play Tywin if not him? Or are we just adapting him out like the Greyjoys? (btw, Dylan as Balon Greyjoy, anyone?)

J. Kashmir

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #33 on: May 30, 2016, 02:33:51 pm »
My demise was less dramatically satisfying than the role I'm playing's was, but it was definitely more funny.

Diego Tutweiller

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #34 on: May 30, 2016, 02:53:28 pm »
Prince Jedffrey and Andrea stand on a balcony at Admin's Landing talking. The city sprawls out in a wide expanse below them.

Jedffrey: "And then, for my sixteenth name day, Ser Hazelrabbit gave me several very expensive films on Blu-Ray. I'm not sure why. He's probably just taken a liking to me."

Andrea: "Fascinating, your grace."

Jedffrey: "Yes, it is, isn't it? Oh, how I've always wanted someone to listen to my stories. Thank you for coming here with me, Andrea."

Andrea: "You told me you'd have me killed if I didn't."

Jedffrey: "Huh. I guess you're right. Well, I hope you realize how lucky you are. You're betrothed to the second-most handsome man in the Seven Forums... after my uncle Chase, of course. All I really need to do is put more gel in my hair."

Andrea: "Uh... right."

Jedffrey: "But soon, I will conquer them all. I am maneuvering to become my uncle Diego's right-hand man, and when I am king, nothing will stand in my way. Think Lord of the Flies meets Game of Thrones. And for those who try to stop me... well... have you ever seen a movie called Free Willy?"

Andrea: "That's horrible!"

Jedffrey: "And that's just the start, my beloved. Come, I'll show you my leather bed!"

Andrea screams.
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CT_Sexybeast

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #35 on: May 30, 2016, 03:20:34 pm »
Loki's casting made me laugh out loud.

I expected that one, though not Hazelrabbit (doubt anyone did, really.) I was concerned about his brother, though, given that all of our Nolanite-leaning members seemed to have been already cast as your family members and allies. Casting Nyland was definitely a stroke of genius here.

Now, I can't wait to see how Dylan will be cast. Also, I remember how the RT wiki version had Catbus as the Mountain. Wonder who'll be filling that role now?

P.S. And congrats on surviving longer than me, lol.
Thanks lol. Chase's casting was brilliant. Can't wait to see the Lord of Grit rise Caleb from the dead. I'm thinking Dylan is going to play Tywin, but perhaps that could be Treet. Either way, I'm loving this parody.

Danny Darkoh

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #36 on: May 30, 2016, 06:09:54 pm »
Wait wait wait wait, so... Andrew is Sansa? I thought he was Arya.

Also, if John is Brann, then who am I?

Plague Cutler

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #37 on: May 30, 2016, 06:11:43 pm »
.

Also, if John is Brann, then who am I?

You're Dann.

Diego Tutweiller

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #38 on: May 30, 2016, 06:17:07 pm »
Wait wait wait wait, so... Andrew is Sansa? I thought he was Arya.

Also, if John is Brann, then who am I?

You're Robb. But I'm melding a lot of characters' roles together. So Arya and Sansa are the same person because this site is a sausagefest.

Diego Tutweiller

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Re: Diego Tutweiller Presents: A Game of Trolls
« Reply #39 on: June 03, 2016, 08:51:31 pm »
On the island of Dragonstoner, in a castle overlooking Bongwater Bay, Lord Chase Nyland stands looking out into the ocean with the red woman, Ashley Takasandre. He appears to be in deep thought.

Takasandre: "My lord, I'm sure you've heard the rumors by now?"

Nyland: "Yes... they say my nephew Jedffrey is a bastard. Born of a scandalous encounter in a Dunkin Donuts bathroom. The entire realm shall be shamed if he sits upon the throne."

Takasandre: "This is your moment. Seize it."

Nyland: "I can't. My brother is still king. To move against Jedffrey is to move against him."

Takasandre: "Why not move against him?"

Nyland: Nyland spits out his bourbon. "Damn you, woman! Filling my head with these thoughts! No good can come of this!"

Takasandre: "Now now, my lord. Calm yourself and look into the darkness. The Lord of Grit, N'hollon, smiles upon us all, for the Knight is Dark and full of plotholes. Look into the dark, my lord. What do you see?"

Nyland: "I see... lips?"

Takasandre: "Yes. They're recognizable, aren't they?"
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