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Author Topic: Red Sparrow  (Read 219 times)

Tut

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Red Sparrow
« on: February 20, 2018, 06:09:53 pm »
Ah, so it's come to this. After Atomic Blonde and the news of an upcoming Black Widow movie, our good friend Jen has decided to piggyback off of the highly cerebral "women secret agents kicking ass" genre's success in... RED SPARROW.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmUL6wMpMWw

Some choice dialogue selections from the trailer include:

"I have to go away for a while."

"They gave me a choice. Die, or become a Sparrow."

"From this day forward, you will become weapons in a global struggle for power."

"When we're finished with you, the person you were will no longer exist."

"You have a gift. This is what you were meant to do."

"Work with me, and make these men pay."

"Your only problem is you have a soul!"

Currently sitting way too high on the Tomatometer. I honestly can't remember the last time I was this uninterested in a film. I don't know if it tops Passengers for the sheer density of shit dialogue in one trailer, but it definitely comes close.

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Crohn's Boy

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2018, 06:38:14 pm »
This looks good.
Goodbye!

Flounder Prefers Browntown

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2018, 06:57:48 pm »
Stuckmann no likey.

https://youtu.be/eWtSEFGJDcI
Everything is terrible.

Tut

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2018, 07:54:16 pm »
Stuckmann no likey.

https://youtu.be/eWtSEFGJDcI

I don't know how you guys watch this dude. He literally just reads a script at your face.

Charles Longboat Jr.

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2018, 07:56:32 pm »
Yeah, looks pretty eh to me. The cast seems interesting but I haven't been particularly impressed with the marketing thus far.

cupcake

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2018, 08:00:28 pm »
Stuckmann no likey.

https://youtu.be/eWtSEFGJDcI

I don't know how you guys watch this dude. He literally just reads a script at your face.

It's not his personality that bugs me.  It's that flabby arm and those tats.  Dude needs a gym.
goodbye!

Tut

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2018, 08:11:07 pm »

It's not his personality that bugs me.  It's that flabby arm and those tats.  Dude needs a gym.

I know nothing about his personality since I never watch his show, but all of these YouTube reviewers come across as extremely stilted to me. If I were to do a show like this, I wouldn't just read my reviews verbatim. I'd try to make it appear more natural and spontaneous, which Stuckmann, Jahns, and the rest don't seem to care much about. I'm curious if this bugs anyone else.

Kale Pasta

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2018, 11:58:29 pm »
I'm just kind of over the "overpowered spy" genre honestly. Mission Impossible (and maybe an exciting looking Bond film) is the exception since those movies are awesome.

Robert Neville

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2018, 12:30:53 pm »
It finally opened in Russia, and the critics are as brutal as you might have expected. Here are some choice quotes:

"As awkward as the Russian spoken in the film, and as unconvincing as Jennifer Lawrence's acting. Currently the worst film in her career...It's far too focused on the heroine's suffering and frustration, even though the only thing her stony face can demonstrate are the occasional scratches and bruises.

Red Sparrow is the logical peak for the rather average director Francis Lawrence and the highly overrated actress Jennifer Lawrence, who can only be shaped into something acceptable by a master on the level of Darren Aronowski.

Red Sparrow is adapted from the 2013 novel. Its brief description from those who read it - 50 shades of Kingsman....Having chosen to adapt semi-pornographic trash, [Francis] Lawrence didn't dare make his job easier and take it a bit less seriously.

According to her uncle, Lawrence has an unparalleled gift to see through people and be a step ahead of them. Which doesn't really gel with how she failed to notice the very plot that destroyed her career in the theatre in the first place... Apparently, American film-makers believe Russian secret services can only obtain data through their bodies. Obviously, the noble Western agent immediately feels something wrong and doesn't succumb to her charms. That might be because the "sparrow" checks into Budapest pool under her real name, which belongs to the former prima ballerina of Bolshoi. It's surprising no-one manages to recognise her on the street in spite of that.

Russian opposition website 2/10 review, complete with a list of five other films (from Bridge of Spies and Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy to From Russia with Love) they recommend instead:

The return of the cold war has long stopped being a prediction of reckless futurologists, and became our reality. The only question is whether it's in full swing already, or is still ramping up. However, it's one thing for the politicians to excitedly play these games, and another thing entirely for the culture to join them. A few days ago, Ministry of Culture of Russia was pitched project "Tolerance" - a script about a European province, dying under the yoke of migrants and sexual minorities. It would have been nice to say that the West is smarter, and no longer engages in such cliches. But then the Red Sparrow is out.

It's hard to believe it's set in our time. It's even harder to believe it was filmed these days, and not 40 years ago... The only solace in this situation is that even the cold war is hybrid today. Hence, Red Sparrow will is getting a painless Russian release, and Russian cinemagoers will have a full opportunity to laugh at the foreign screenwriters' fantasies.


Even a Ukrainian website gave it two stars, stating it was one of the worst spy thriller of recent years and had no redeeming qualities, leading to comments voicing the idea of getting them investigated by SBU (Ukrainian KGB).

Robert Neville

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2018, 12:40:25 pm »
Also, our websites can be similarly critical of our Defence Ministry-sponsored films, like last year's Crimea. Some memorable quotes from that time:

The position of the creators is crystal clear: Ukraine is a dumb broad, Russia is a guy with a big gun. War is very bad, and so the weakling should surrender without a fight. Crimea was reintegrated because we could, and so the director made the film because he could, as well.

In the end, the film that was supposed to return us to the euphoria of spring 2014 instead demonstrated a simple truth: we ran out of old arguments, and have no new ones.

Those were the apolitical websites as well. The opposition website (not the one I quoted above, but an older, more established one) demonstrated the kind of hysteria expected of them: the "review" begins by dedicating itself to the victims of Las Vegas shooting and "Russia is not a place for individualities and this film destroys individualities", and ends with "I didn't choose to be born (and I would have refused if I had the chance), but now that I'm here, I am ashamed to live here. Goodbye, reader. In all, a pretty good illustration why their favored candidate Sobchak got 1,5% in March, and why top pro-Kremlin commentator (who was deeply against Crimean reintegration up until it happened) can call like-minded people "2% of shit" without consequences.

Robert Neville

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2018, 06:58:23 pm »
Not only is this based on novels, but they are a trilogy too; moreover, Bill Clinton read them before writing his own terrible novel (The President Is Missing), which is itself going to become a TV series. This is just amazingly wrong.

Thankfully, it seems like this particular movie underperformed, so we probably won't see a sequel.

ChillinDylan Godsend

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Re: Red Sparrow
« Reply #11 on: June 11, 2018, 09:57:16 am »
Not only is this based on novels, but they are a trilogy too; moreover, Bill Clinton read them before writing his own terrible novel (The President Is Missing), which is itself going to become a TV series. This is just amazingly wrong.

Thankfully, it seems like this particular movie underperformed, so we probably won't see a sequel.

I watched Red Sparrow and thought it was decent - nothing more, nothing less.  However, it was one of those movies that I essentially forgot about within a day or two of watching it.  I can't even remember if it was set up for a sequel or not.  It really didn't leave any lasting impression whatsoever.

 

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