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Author Topic: JOHN TYLER'S REVIEWS: Transformers: Age of Extinction  (Read 31 times)

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JOHN TYLER'S REVIEWS: Transformers: Age of Extinction
« on: April 27, 2015, 11:07:13 am »
Five years after the destruction of Chicago, CIA agent Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer) and his covert government unit Cemetery Wind declare the Transformers enemies of Earth. Believing that the planet will never truly be safe until all of them are gone, they seek the help of Transformer bounty hunter Lockdown to look for and destroy all living and remaining Autobots and Decepticons. Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and the rest of the Autobots are all in hiding, with Optimus losing his faith in humanity over what the humans are now doing to them.

Struggling inventor and overprotective single father Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) has purchased a truck, hoping to break it down and strip for parts to pay for college for his daughter Tessa (Nicola Peltz). However, they discover that the truck is actually Optimus Prime. Cemetery Wind is now hunting down Cade, Tessa, and her boyfriend Shane (Jack Reynor), and Lockdown tracks down Optimus because the Creators want him. Cade teaches Optimus to have faith, not in who humans are, but in who they can be.

KSI has created their own Transformers, teaming up with Cemetery Wind, by using the remains of the deceased Decepticon leader Megatron as well as the metal Transformium, which is what they're made of. Their own prototype Galvatron later gets Megatronís memories and turns against KSI. Lockdown and Cemetery Wind have been working together so they can give him the Seed, a device that will cyberform Earth, turning into metal, and cause the extinction of humanity. It's now up to Cade, KSI, the Autobots, and the rest of the gang to stop Galvatron's band of synthetic and human-built Transformers, prevent Lockdown from retrieving the Seed, and escape the forces of Cemetery Wind.

My quick thoughts on the other Transformers-related media: I love the 1980's cartoon, I love the 1986 animated film, I love the video games War for Cybertron and Fall of Cybertron, I love Transformers: Prime, I thought the 2007 film was decent, Revenge of the Fallen is an incomprehensible disaster of filmmaking, and Dark of the Moon is my favorite of the live-action films. We've now reached the fourth installment in the Michael Bay Transformers film series, and it's quite possibly the worst in the franchise.

Now, what did I like about this film? The action sequences are well-shot and entertaining to sit through, although they do run a bit too long, especially near the final climax. The visual effects are impressive, although the Transformium effects are quite dodgy. The acting isn't bad. Although Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor, Sophia Myles, and Li Bingbing are wooden, and T.J. Miller is annoying, Mark Wahlberg, Kelsey Grammer, Stanley Tucci, and Titus Welliver all give good performances despite the bad script. Steve Jablonsky's score is excellent, Amir Mokri's cinematography is solid, and the production designs by Jeffrey Beecroft are top-notch.

The rest of the film, however, is terrible. Purely and simply terrible. The characters are paper-thin and incredibly irritating. I don't get why many people claim Cade is likeable. He's annoying and way too overprotective of his daughter. Seriously, there are overprotective fathers and then there's this. I get why, seeing as Cade had his daughter when he was a high school senior and his wife passed away some time ago, and he doesn't want the same to happen to Tessa, which is understandable, but his overprotectiveness is just way too much. It borders on over-the-top and downright tyrannical at some points.

Cade's daughter Tessa isn't much better. She exists solely to be the typical thinly-written, underdeveloped hot blonde and also to be the damsel in distress. Don't get me wrong, Nicola Peltz is very easy on the eyes and quite good to look at, but she varies as an actress. She's good in Bates Motel, but she was horrendous in The Last Airbender and she's dull here. Tessa is also given the stupidest lines and decisions in the film, and there's literally a subplot where her boyfriend Shane (who's 20 and she's 17) carries around a handbook that contains a Texas statute explaining why he can date her. Why couldn't they just make her 18? Also, if you're going to do this, Michael Bay, why do you and Ehren Kruger go so far out of your way to sexualize her, and why do you insist of having yourself and Amir Mokri have the camera leer over? Not even Frank Miller is that perverted.

Speaking of Shane, I also couldn't stand him. Reynor's accent switches from Irish to very strong Texan in a matter of seconds, making it very inconsistent, and the character himself just comes across as an arrogant, annoying ****. Stanley Tucci's Joshua Joyce is also a pain in the ass to sit through and when the Dinobots finally come into play later on in the film, it turns out that his character serves no purpose to the poorly written and nonsensical story whatsoever.

Kelsey Grammer's Harold Attinger is just an idiot. He declares the Transformers enemies of Earth and kills them all. Did this dumbass forget about the three times the Autobots saved everyone from the Decepticons before? Apparently, the battle of Chicago from Dark of the Moon made him want the Transformers dead. Are we just going to ignore the battle in the city at the end of the first film, the forest battle from Revenge of the Fallen, the rampage at Sam's college from Revenge of the Fallen, the final battle in Egypt at the end of Revenge of the Fallen, the Washington D.C. rampage caused by the Moon Decepticons from Dark of the Moon, the city street chase from Dark of the Moon, the attack on the building Sam works at from Dark of the Moon, and the Chernobyl rampage from Dark of the Moon? Contrary to what the filmmakers believe, I'm not an idiot.

The characters played by Titus Welliver, Sophia Myles, and Li Bingbing are one-dimensional and wooden. T.J. Miller's Lucas is an annoying comic relief (because we clearly needed another one of these stupid, irritating comic relief characters in these films). All he does is whine at Cade, complain, and spew out bad dialogue. He even makes a slavery joke. **** hell, Bay, have you and Ehren Kruger no shame?

The supposed Autobots, our heroes, are psychopaths in this film, and keep in mind, these are who we're supposed to be rooting for. You do not take Optimus Prime, the most iconic and beloved character in the entire Transformers mythos, and turn him into a psychopath who blows **** up and murders everything in sight at every imaginable turn. That is simply butchering a terrific character and raping him up the ass. Drift is a boring Asian stereotype, Hound is a cringe-worthy and terribly unfunny fatass, the green guy who sounds a lot like Jason Statham is the only one who isn't insufferable although that's not really saying much, and Bumblebee once again canít speak. Why are we still ignoring that pivotal moment from the end of the first film?

The villains are bland as ****. As I said before, the people of Cemetery Wind are interchangeable idiots. The only somewhat interesting villain in the film is Lockdown, but he's not very memorable. Galvatron doesn't do a goddamn thing. He has a very short fight scene with Optimus, but that's about it. When his gang of baddies get blown to bits by the Autobots, he simply walks away and says that he and Prime will meet again, setting up the next film. He serves no purpose in the film and it feels as if screenwriter Ehren Kruger rushed him into the script at the last minute. Also, Galvatron being a man-made synthetic Transformer? Yeah, **** that ****. He's Megatron resurrected, dumbasses.

The script is godawful. The characters are paper-thin and annoying, the story is incomprehensible and all over the place, the plot points don't make a lick of sense, the dialogue is atrocious, the political ideals are confused, and the exposition is beyond pointless. It's as if Kruger submitted a rough draft and the producers thought it was good enough for Bay to film. Not to mention, Kruger and Bay seem to fail the importance of a three-act structure. Give Revenge of the Fallen a little credit. At least that film knew when to **** end.

Transformers: Age of Extinction has literally no idea when to end. This fuckfest of a film is just a chore to sit through. You think you're at the third act when you're really at the middle of the goddamn second act and there's still about an hour or so of runtime left. It just keeps going and it doesn't stop. That is how tedious and repetitive with its bullshit this recycled and idiotic pile of waste and thought is.

This brings me to my biggest issue with the film: it's boring. Ungodly, brutally, punishingly **** boring. The pacing in this film is absolutely horrendous. It's way too long, clocking in literally at two hours and forty-five minutes. This film is literally less than three hours long. I don't just blame Bay and Kruger for this. I also blame editors William Goldenberg, Roger Barton, Paul Rubell, Thomas A. Muldoon, and David Brenner. I don't give a **** if they were just following Bay's orders. That's no excuse for poor editing and pacing.

Another thing I hated was how the Dinobots were used. They come about two hours and fifteen minutes into the film, as they were the army Lockdown had in his prison ship. Optimus frees them and claims he's giving them freedom, but then orders them to defend his family or die. That is the complete and total opposite of freedom. The Dinobots don't speak and they kill off a bunch of bad guys, and they only have ten minutes of screentime. They were only there for fan service. **** that ****.


Transformers: Age of Extinction takes the bad aspects of the previous three films and intensifies them, thus making it painful to watch. While some of the action sequences and visual effects are fine, the acting isn't bad, and the musical score, production designs, and cinematography are decent, they fail to compensate for horrendous writing, an overlong and bloated runtime, the script's failure to understand the importance of a three-act structure, insufferable characters, poor dialogue, and incomprehensible plotting. Even with Bay supposedly gone from the director's chair (I'm personally taking this with a grain of salt), I'm not looking forward to future installments.
Everything is terrible.

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