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Author Topic: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS  (Read 6198 times)

Charles Longboat Jr.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #40 on: January 24, 2016, 02:02:30 pm »
"Islams"
I was unaware that was the new term for practicioners of Islam. Terrible movie, though.

Kale Pasta

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #41 on: January 24, 2016, 02:59:47 pm »
God's Not Dead (2014)

Director: Harold Cronk
Writers: Cary Solomon, Chunk Konzelman, Hunter Dennis
Starring: Shane Harper, Kevin Sorbo, Dean Cain, Cassidy Gifford, Michael Tait, Jody Davis, David A.R. White

Review: "Ugly, painful and embarrassing to watch, and downright deplorable, God's Not Dead is without a doubt one of the most woefully misguided pieces of filmmaking ever to be conceived and released in cinemas. The acting is beyond atrocious, the direction by Harold Cronk is a lifeless joke, the dialogue is some of the worst ever put to screen, there are dozens of subplots that go nowhere and are entirely unnecessary, the messaging is incredibly stupid and awful, and the plot is so blatantly biased it hurts. I may not believe in God, but I do believe the Christian religion deserves better than this trite. It's a cinematic death threat to scientists, communists, Islams, atheists, free-thinkers, liberals, and academics."

Score: 0/10
Islams?

But actually, I think this may be my least favorite movie ever (Batman and Robin is still worse, but I hate this far more). I actually thought the first half was only bad (terrible performances and dialogue, but it wasn't a complete joke) but my god the second half of this film was straight up atrocious. It gets so unbelievably preachy that I really hope I would hate this just as much if I were a Christian. The final debate is the worst scene of all time.

Kale Pasta

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #42 on: January 24, 2016, 03:00:30 pm »
Cloverfield (2008)

Director: Matt Reeves
Writer: Drew Goddard
Starring: Michael Stahl-David, Mike Vogel, Lizzy Caplan, Odette Yustman-Annable, T.J. Miller, Jessica Lucas

Review: "With chilling imagery, relentlessly intense and thrilling set pieces, absolutely amazing visual effects, strong performances, great character moments, a memorable and awesome monster, surprisingly smart social commentary, and a genuine sense of paranoia and dread, Cloverfield is a clever, tension-filled, and exciting creature feature as well as one of the high points in the found-footage sub-genre."

Score: 9/10
Well, I agree on the effects and the monster.

Aaron

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #43 on: January 24, 2016, 03:29:06 pm »
"Islams"

I think the word you're looking for is "Islamists."

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #44 on: January 24, 2016, 05:01:33 pm »
The Boy (2016)

Director: William Brent Bell
Writer: Stacey Menear
Starring: Lauren Cohan, Rupert Evans, Jim Norton, Diana Hardcastle

Review: "While director William Brent Bell at least makes an effort to create genuine atmosphere in a few sequences and Lauren Cohan delivers a solid lead performance, The Boy is a lifeless and utterly dull horror film with lazy writing, annoying dream sequences, boring characters, and an ending that makes less and less sense the more you think about it."

Score: 3/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #45 on: January 24, 2016, 05:06:15 pm »
Knight of Cups (2015)

Writer/Director: Terrence Malick
Starring: Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Natalie Portman, Brian Dennehy, Antonio Banderas, Freida Pinto, Wes Bentley, Isabel Lucas, Teresa Palmer, Imogen Poots, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Michael Wincott, Kevin Corrigan, Jason Clarke, Joel Kinnaman, Clifton Collins Jr., Nick Offerman, Dane DeHaan, Shea Whigham, Ryan O'Neal, Bruce Wagner, Jocelin Donahue, Nicky Whelan, Fabio, Joe Managniello, Thomas Lennon, Joe Lo Truglio, Beau Garrett, Nick Kroll, Sergei Bodrov, Katia Winter, Danny Strong, Ben Kingsley

Review: "Although it's easy to understand why some would find Knight of Cups to be pretentious, shallow, and empty, seeing as it's bereft of linearity and it's told in non-chronological vignettes meant to resemble tarot cards, this latest effort from writer/director Terrence Malick is almost like a satire of objective excess and artificiality, and it remains compelling thanks to an engaging central theme (trying to break loose, be free, and let go) and Emmanuel Lubezki's rich and visually striking cinematography."

Score: 8/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #46 on: January 24, 2016, 05:08:47 pm »
Mojave (2015)

Writer/Director: William Monahan
Starring: Garrett Hedlund, Oscar Isaac, Mark Wahlberg, Walton Goggins, Louise Bourgoin, Dania Ramirez, Fran Kranz

Review: "With the considerable amount of genuine talent involved, Mojave really should've been something good, but unfortunately, it's an absolutely forgettable and depth-free slog of a thriller with boring characters, poor writing, and punishingly slow pacing."

Score: 4/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #47 on: January 24, 2016, 05:10:41 pm »
Barely Lethal (2015)

Director: Kyle Newman
Writer: John D'Arco
Starring: Hailee Steinfeld, Jessica Alba, Samuel L. Jackson, Dove Cameron, Thomas Mann, Sophie Turner, Rachael Harris, Gabriel Basso, Dan Fogler, Jaime King, Steve-O, Tony Sebastian, Rob Huebel

Review: "As an action/spy thriller, Barely Lethal fails miserably because its action sequences are dull, boring, lacking in excitement, and terribly put together, and as a teen comedy, it fails miserably because its jokes are simply unfunny. On top of all that, the script is poorly written, the immensely talented cast is wasted in thankless roles, the direction is utterly lifeless, and it tries to poke fun at modern teen comedy cliches and yet it ends up becoming the same thing it's supposedly satirizing."

Score: 2/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #48 on: January 24, 2016, 05:12:11 pm »
Monsters: Dark Continent (2015)

Director: Tom Green
Writers: Tom Green, Jay Basu
Starring: Sofia Boutella, Johnny Harris, Sam Keeley, Joe Dempsie

Review: "With subtext that isn't thought-provoking, incredibly lazy storytelling, mediocre acting, and unsympathetic and uninteresting characters, Monsters: Dark Continent is a terribly boring, unsatisfactory, and completely unnecessary follow-up to its far superior predecessor."

Score: 2/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #49 on: January 24, 2016, 05:14:25 pm »
Descendants (2015)

Director: Kenny Ortega
Writers: Josann McGibbon, Sara Parriott
Starring: Dove Cameron, Mitchell Hope, Cameron Boyce, Sofia Carson, Booboo Stewart, Dan Payne, Keegan Connor Tracy, Kristin Chenoweth, Kathy Najimy, Wendy Raquel Robinson, Maz Jobrani

Review: "With no lore to explore whatsoever and a script that doesn't do anything the least bit interesting or creative with its admittedly intriguing premise, Disney's Descendants is an attempt at modernizing classic characters in a new story that's desperate pandering to younger viewers is not only absolutely infuriating but also heartbreaking to watch."

Score: 0/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #50 on: January 24, 2016, 05:16:00 pm »
The Lobster (2015)

Writer/Director: Yorgos Lanthimos
Starring: Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz, John C. Reilly, Lea Seydoux, Ben Whishaw, Olivia Colman, Ashley Jensen, Jessica Barden, Ariane Labed

Review: "A dark love story, a surreal and hilarious Orwellian comedy, and a biting satire all put together, Yorgos Lanthimos' The Lobster is one of the most witty, unique, horrifying, bizarre, and daringly original films I've ever seen, with sharp writing and strong performances to boot."

Score: 9/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #51 on: January 24, 2016, 05:17:09 pm »
Mistress America (2015)

Director: Noah Emmerich
Writers: Noah Emmerich, Greta Gerwig
Starring: Greta Gerwig, Lola Kirke, Heather Lind, Seth Barrish

Review: "Well-crafted, immensely enjoyable to watch, and filled with wit and charm, Mistress America is another slice of proof that writer/director Noah Baumbach is one of the most skilled and talented filmmakers working today, benefiting from a strong script, wonderful performances from Lola Kirke and co-writer Greta Gerwig (both of whom share superb chemistry with one another), an excellent soundtrack, engaging characters, and dialogue that's expertly written and often hilarious."

Score: 9/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #52 on: January 24, 2016, 05:18:45 pm »
The Hateful Eight (2015)

Writer/Director: Quentin Tarantino
Starring: Kurt Russell, Samuel L. Jackson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Walton Goggins, Tim Roth, Bruce Dern, Michael Madsen, Demian Bichir, Channing Tatum, Zoe Bell, Gene Jones, James Parks

Review: "The Hateful Eight is a highly entertaining and overall terrific mystery Western thriller as well as one of 2015's very best films, featuring the amazing dialogue, awesome soundtrack, superb performances, lush cinematography, excellent direction, and memorable, brilliantly crafted characters as to be expected from a Quentin Tarantino film."

Score: 10/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #53 on: January 24, 2016, 05:20:27 pm »
Brooklyn (2015)

Director: John Crowley
Writer: Nick Hornby
Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Emory Cohen, Domhnall Gleeson, Jim Broadbent, Julie Walters, Emily Bett Rickards

Review: "Brooklyn is an emotionally rich, effective, and effortlessly charming drama featuring a career-best performance from Saoirse Ronan, beautiful cinematography, and an understated, heartfelt script."

Score: 9/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #54 on: January 24, 2016, 05:29:22 pm »
Anomalisa (2015)

Directors: Charlie Kaufman, Duke Johnson
Writer: Charlie Kaufman
Starring: David Thewlis, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tom Noonan

Review: "Gorgeously detailed, poignant, and achingly human, Anomalisa is an excellent sophomore directorial effort from Charlie Kaufman (one of the best screenwriters working today) as well as one of the very best films of 2015, with stellar voice acting from David Thewlis, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Tom Noonan, well-defined and engaging characters, superb stop-motion animation, and a tightly-structured, beautifully-crafted story."

Score: 10/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #55 on: January 24, 2016, 05:31:28 pm »
Sisters (2015)

Director: Jason Moore
Writer: Paula Pell
Starring: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Dianne Wiest, James Brolin, Ike Barinholtz, Madison Davenport, Maya Rudolph, John Leguizamo, John Cena, Bobby Moynihan, Rachel Dratch, Samantha Bee

Review: "Funnier and much more enjoyable than the trailers and advertisements would lead you to believable, Sisters works as well as it does thanks to an excellent cast and plenty of witty, rapid-fire gags."

Score: 6/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #56 on: January 24, 2016, 05:36:10 pm »
Daddy's Home (2015)

Director: Sean Anders
Writers: Brian Burns, Etan Cohen, Adam McKay, Chris Henchy, Sean Anders, John Morris
Starring: Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Linda Cardellini, Thomas Haden Church, Hannibal Buress, Bobby Cannavale, John Cena

Review: "You'd think that Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg's second comedic collaboration after The Other Guys would turn out enjoyable, but as it turns out, you'd think wrong, as Daddy's Home is completely dull, severely lacking in wit, bereft of charm, and populated with characters that are so poorly written it hurts."

Score: 2/10
Everything is terrible.

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #57 on: January 24, 2016, 05:40:43 pm »
Super (2011)

Writer/Director: James Gunn
Starring: Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, Liv Tyler, Kevin Bacon, Nathan Fillion, Rob Zombie, Michael Rooker, Gregg Henry, Linda Cardellini, Sean Gunn, Andre Royo, Stephen Blackheart, Don Mac

Review: "Surreal, intense, twisted, darkly humorous, and surprisingly emotional, James Gunn's Super is a criminally underrated and severely underappreciated pitch-black comedy that expertly mixes effective comic book/superhero satire with grisly violence and compelling drama, and the wonderful performances, sharp writing, slick and stylish direction, and perfectly-cast characters especially help make it as good as it is."

Score: 9/10
Everything is terrible.

David Tanny

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #58 on: January 24, 2016, 05:55:26 pm »
Super (2011)

Writer/Director: James Gunn
Starring: Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, Liv Tyler, Kevin Bacon, Nathan Fillion, Rob Zombie, Michael Rooker, Gregg Henry, Linda Cardellini, Sean Gunn, Andre Royo, Stephen Blackheart, Don Mac

Review: "Surreal, intense, twisted, darkly humorous, and surprisingly emotional, James Gunn's Super is a criminally underrated and severely underappreciated pitch-black comedy that expertly mixes effective comic book/superhero satire with grisly violence and compelling drama, and the wonderful performances, sharp writing, slick and stylish direction, and perfectly-cast characters especially help make it as good as it is."

Score: 9/10
Good movie. Not as good as Slither though.

Kale Pasta

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Re: THE RETURN OF JOHN TYLER'S MINI-REVIEWS
« Reply #59 on: January 24, 2016, 06:40:38 pm »
Super (2011)

Writer/Director: James Gunn
Starring: Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, Liv Tyler, Kevin Bacon, Nathan Fillion, Rob Zombie, Michael Rooker, Gregg Henry, Linda Cardellini, Sean Gunn, Andre Royo, Stephen Blackheart, Don Mac

Review: "Surreal, intense, twisted, darkly humorous, and surprisingly emotional, James Gunn's Super is a criminally underrated and severely underappreciated pitch-black comedy that expertly mixes effective comic book/superhero satire with grisly violence and compelling drama, and the wonderful performances, sharp writing, slick and stylish direction, and perfectly-cast characters especially help make it as good as it is."

Score: 9/10
Hey, the first full review I ever wrote was on that movie! I gave it a 4/10 though lol.

 

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